Goodbyes...I hate them. It is one of the inevitabilities of travel. It hangs around in the background while you and your feathers adventure, having the time of your life...watching, waiting ... and then swoops down and punctures a hole in your whirlwind of happiness. Its like a tragedy...the death is always foreshadowed...you know its going to happen you just dont know when, and then it makes an appearance, laughs at you and leaves just as quickly. Sometimes it happens sooner than later or even later than sooner, but it still happens. You think your prepared but it still leaves you saddened when it happens. Its one of the down falls of traveling, and one of the things I hate the most.
When I said goodbye in Mancora I made myself stay non emotional...the preparation I gave myself mentally actually worked...I dont know how, but it did. For once I was able to walk away without a tear - even though I miss everyone heaps - I knew my time there was over. However this preparation doesnt seem to be working when seperating from people I travel with.
New clusters of feathers always blow in your direction when floating on the wind, always (of course) creating a wonderful havoc of adventure and discourse. You laugh, you cry and share crazy stories and feelings that are the most important at that moment, and then with a swoosh of a breeze, directions change...again.
I tell myself, a few weeks ago you didnt know them, but the intensity of friendships in those few weeks is something that seems to be an emotion that I just cant manage to let go of with ease these days. You would think with four years of experiencing this it would be a little less heart felt because you know from day one that when floating, gusts will always blow you in different directions. However, no matter what you plan and promise, goodbyes are a guarantee.
With the guarantee of goodbyes and winds blowing you in different directions, are the friendships and amazing adventures the whirlwinds bring with them...and for these, I am greatful; and they dont always end up with a crash landing into the previous nights leftovers or the murky waters of what was. Sometimes you are left floating on a calm river, content with your memories and even the goodbyes. You float slowly looking at new surroundings coming across others floating through as well, waiting for the next gust to come and take you on your next adventure.
This is the first time in six months I have really been on my own and, even
though content, I am a bit lonely. Constantly floating with others (even in the murky waters I was still never alone) made it easy to forget that I am solo. I forgot the feeling of being on my own and it feels kind of strange, almost unknown. Unknown like the silence I had to allow myself to go back to, though not as scary or intimidating. Its calm. I can think and focus, though lonliness can wrap around you at times. I miss having someone to talk to, take pictures with or even just to hang out with.
I am in Quito, floating nicely and quietly, volinteering at a hostel while I decide which gust is the right one for me. The tranquility of solitude is refreshing and I am focussed but I miss my friends feel lonely at times. The lonliness accompanied with endless days of rain seems to bring heaps of hours to think and remember. As sad as I am our gusts took us in different directions the memories make me smile and fill me with warmth.
Lesina, Ben and Matt, the past few weeks have gone by so fast...from Loki, to a relaxing two days in Montanita, an adventurous weekend in Banos, a Whirlwind in Quito all connected with never ending hours on the bus. I had a blast and some of my best memories in South America. Fake wedding and divorce papers, Lessie the Lizard, Matts never ending stories, Lesinas bottomless stomach and snacks in her locker, Ben having to do up our pants because we gsined too much weight, Inside Out, a non existant diet to look like the people on the posters, leaving emails for babes at the tour office, and team meetings. You guys have given me so many memories..thank you for everything, your friendships, for always being there, for loving me for me, Ben for being my bus buddy and being there for me after Lesina left when I really needed a friend, Lesina for being besties with me, Matt for being you. Also for getting me - or Ben making me - do one thing everyday that scares me...it was all worth it.
I am saddened that our time together is over but unfortunately our winds have blown us in different directions as it does when you choose the life of a feather. We may want to float on together but in this life you only get a short gust together...as the saying goes *we are here for a good time, not a long time.*
Float safely on your journeys and let your gust take you where you are meant to blow. Where am I going? Where ever my gust picks me up and takes me. Esta pequeña pluma es lista.
- My Beautiful Life -
No comments:
Post a Comment